So Since the last few days this had been my daily schedule:
I wake up, rub my eyes, turn the kettle on, throw my blanket on the chair and squinch my half open eyes to glare at the blazing screen, to the havoc that has been created on my Pull Requests with a tsunami of reviews regarding styling issues, wrong punctuations, bad code written and start immediately replying to them, making amends. You would be asking me,
“But Ishan, what about taking a shower? Brushing your teeth? Getting on with your bowel movements and having a wholesome breakfast to get a kickstart on your morning?”
and my answer to that would be,
“To hell with that! Who believes in all those cock and bull stories anyway? The world is talking about intermittent fasting to get yourself shredded and its the mental health and clarity that’s important, not those bullshit”
“So you must be meditating! ☺️”
“Huh what’s that?”
“You know meditation right? To keep your mind healthy and clear.”
“Yeah, Yeah sure, I meditate.”
And I think to myself rolling my eyes over, “brrrrr…. meditation, I don’t have time to take a shower and this guy is talking about my mental clarity. I tell you what, look at my mental clarity when I fail GSoC. I bet any amount of meditation fixes that!”
Well after a cup of tea and a cup of coffee and having my brain divided into two, whether to skip the classes or not, even though the answer is always the same (guess what?), this is how my morning starts:
12:45 PM: Lunch must have started by now, it doesn’t end until 2:30, I can be there towards the end.
02:05 PM: Oh those people just came online, I must reply to them, god knows if I ever get to chat with them again in my entire life.
02:25 PM: Well fuck
So I just survive on some more coffee and crackers.
By the midnight:
I turn into a zombie, not even knowing half the stuff myself that I am correcting, reviewing, patching and hacking.
You must be wondering who does this guy think he is?? Muling and complaining about getting to work in GSoC when thousands are wailing about not getting a slot and the silent irony is, I loved each and every last bit of it. It may be hard to define it in clear compact words, there is a thrill in working against a deadline, putting some high paced electronic music on, chasing things. It’s no fun when you’ve got it under control and everything is moving with the breeze, rather you end up wasting a lot of time doing some pretty nasty shit that you shouldn’t be doing. The only downside is, your macros go down the drain, your sleep cycle gets messed up as you wake in the middle of the night to respond to notifications, you sit in a room in one, two or at max 3 postures the entire day and the fact that you know that you’ve got to repeat the same stuff again tomorrow really gets to you sometimes. The only solace I found in, to cut me a break was a couple of episodes of “Seinfield” every now and then. (Seriously, I can get hooked on to anything and decide to embrace it for the rest of my life, may it be F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Seinfield or PUBG mobile). Through out the course of my short lived life, I have noticed that I am a very addictive kind of person and I love short term pleasures over long term goals and most of all I looovee to procrastinate. Ever since this realization I always take into account whatever I am about to do, whether it is worth spending my time into, and have been cautious of each and every new thing I am about to get myself into.
All the above citings are only for the end couple of days of GSoC, they are not intended to scare anybody in any way and its just like the last day before an exam. You study for it the whole year on a normal pace that you are comfortable with but, you’ve gotta give it your all in the very last couple of days to crunch in those extra numbers, just cause you know you can do it as you have already been working hard and there’s no point left to not cover those miner details to get the most out of it. (Of course you can ignore everything written above if you are one of those funky mofos who chill out the entire year, and still get by gulling up the night before the exam).
Speaking of other things …
Especially the last week was highly stressful, as their was a bombardment of reviews requesting changes, pointing out inconsistencies and for the first time getting a second person’s review on the runs of green mode on some foreign projects, which revealed more inconsitencies, even more reviews, even more bugs and I was gasping for air, feeling miserable and saying to myself, “I am done if this doesn’t fixes things up”. To be honest I feel a little guilty about my project. I feel guilty that I wasn’t able to produce config files that were that specific, had lesser volumes of items clubbed up in a specific field and it didn’t have that many fields mapping to that many bear settings, while some settings which could attain a very high number of values were not smartly set to a search for in a smaller set way before, which inturn caused the green mode to run for insane amounts of time, then there was that symlink problem which I couldn’t found an earlier solution to … I know that I was partly limited by the technology and time, the missing default values to many bear settings, the huge amount of time it takes when the number of values to settings becomes too high.
Let me tell you (you as in the readers of this blog), this feeling is not foreign to me. I always think whenever a thing gets finished, if I could have done a little bit more, maybe I would have been happier. I know that these feelings are poisonous but I simply can’t help it. I know that one should be happy with what they have achieved but that ‘What if …’ always keeps on looming over there, in my mind, sometimes even haunting me for days after the event.
Anyways keeping those negative things aside I feel like I have grown so much in this rather seemingly short 4 - 5 month period of time. I got to learn a lot
by the awesome people at coala and if you ever decide to contribute to open source I am sure people over
there would be eager to help you out. I loved each and every part of my experience from writing
Hello World to be greeted
corobo with a warm welcoming message to those final stressful hours where John was merging all my hacky and probably buggy PRs.
Yes I may have written what may have hinted in my previous posts that we hated some people over there but pay close attention to this. Didn’t we say we hated our teachers at our school when all that they ever wanted was our own good and didn’t want us to be some miserable fuck ups for our entire life? (Beware: I am talking about schools not college cause some Profs can be some really huge douche bags. Really Really hoping no Prof at my college ever comes in contact with this blog as that would lead into a new scenario of some pretty abominable events). Getting back to the point, yes we did say we hated our teachers, we despised them at that moment of time, every scolding that we got on not being punctual, we swore that we would get back to them on that some day, only to realize now, that all they were doing was, trying to mould us into better human beings. Things have changed, surroundings have changed, people have changed but what remains still inside of us, is the basic human instinct of hating the rules, regulations and the basic premise of the system that is imposed upon us. Our conscience says that they are right but deep down we are still those school kids who escalated with joy when the teacher gave us an extra recess for a period and went nuts about our homework.
And for that very same reason, I say that I am really, really grateful that we had someone like John to take care of me, us and our org during this entire period. The thing is I never know how to do things. I just do them one step at a time, its not that I have done them before and I never know when I am doing right now or what am I going to do next or whether am I going to do it again. I have never blogged before and decided this blog is going to be about every stupid fucking thought that comes to my mind, and that’s what it is. Take it or leave it. We hated the strict rules to which John swore by and yet we again kept on repeating our mistakes PR after PR and frankly speaking if it were me in his shoes, I would have literally shattered my laptop to pieces by cracking it on top of my skull. But the question is, do these thoughts really mean anything? The things we speak in our colloquial language mean absolutely nothing and reflect nothing about our inner mindset. Mind you I am not writing this to suck up to anyone. If I was that kind of a person I would have never ever written any such thing in my previous blog post. Deep down everyone knows, their inner voice and even their subliminal minds know how great and experienced a person he is. And that was proven in the very last days of GSoC, it was clear that he didn’t want any single one of us to fail (what a great tragedy this blog would make be if I were to actually fail). He was merging all our hacky work (God knows he might be having nightmares about them for weeks!) and he was constantly pushing us to our limits. He was there for us, online the entire time and made sure that all of us make it through the final barrier.
I think that’s enough about that subject.
So what’s next?
Well the results are what’s next. I think I will not fail, but even if I do, I think I am gonna be fine. It’s not like the end of the world and its not winning or losing that matters.
We all have won in our own ways. Of course I am gonna be sad (psst… I am gonna be freakin’ mad!!) but you know, life goes on, you give it all you’ve got and there are some things
that are just out of your influence.
Anyways reading and learning a lot about this blockchain thing, even invested into a course by Siraj Raval, its a 10 week course, already 8 weeks in with material consumption still at the first week. Got loads of school work in the backlog too.
Have really gotten into self-help books, so would be doing a lot of reading.
I would be starting my own open source project, contributing to more of them learning about various new things. But most of all, will try to keep enhancing
-green-mode for all that’s worth.
Good luck, Enjoy your day! Peace 👍.
BTW John, if you are reading this, I still Google up every now and then on why on this Godforsaken planet does adding a variable in the middle of a function definition breaks the API and still have got no idea.